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the line work on the edit looks much to heavy. most aparent on the middle girls breasts and on the 2nd and 3rd girls crotch lines.
the labia majora also appear rather slack looking, with the perspective being off for the girl in the middle since she isnt standing exactly straight on, and has a thigh gap, which tends to reduce the bulging lm on slim girls, as opposed to this pic, emphasising it.

though its better than i could have done, the editor still needs to work on subtlety.
this image could work out well as a casual nudity depiction, without what comes off as forced emphasis on sexuality.